Existence and Its Confirmation Is Personal
It is between you and God.
I have felt connected to God since I was little. At least four. Not to people though. And I did not crave that like others seem to do. Primarily because I always felt the connection. In hindsight, I truly feel that this was something I must have had faith in during previous lives because it is not the “norm” by any means.
I always wanted the healing that I understood, even as a young child, could be.
I knew there were things outside of the vision of the natural eyes and as a child I feared them.
A lady in a long dress with no physical body bent down to me on my right side and said it is okay go on through they will not harm you, and with the first step I took the fear that had me frozen stiff released its hold and I walked in faith going through the fear.
Life dealt me a lot of hands. Especially when it came to family. (I went through a lot of them from the time of conception.) I walked through the fear and then at age 50 I went through some experiences that said this was no longer enough. I would have to walk in faith. Accepting myself as a smoker even though I had quit 15 years before and a sustaining suicide risk would be my norm. My step-mom had used attempting suicide regularly as a coping mechanism while living with my father and though she never succeeded it did become part of my mental makeup.
I think of these things as components of the costume or character that I came to play in this portion of the Universal Plan.
It all has been preparation for finding (ACIM) A Course In Miracles when I was 57. Where I would learn the truth about our existence in a hollow world made up of an entire universe in every individual I would meet. More complex than I could begin to understand.
At the same time, it would show me the simplicity of the teachings of Jesus that had been warped for the purpose of bondage and stealing the lives of others to the benefit of the few whose ego’s could not be tamed.
When I first found the Course I was excited. Forgiveness was the key! It tweaked my understanding as a lot of what the Course taught I had already received by the Holy Spirit.
I wanted to share it with the world. A committee to review what it would be like if these teachings were real. But people had heard enough from Christ and Jesus and God was a dirty word in 2017.
So, I wrote two books just to get through the emotional mayhem. And then just before lockdown hit I understood what accepting the Atonement meant and I accepted it. It changed my world inside while the world outside changed dramatically, as well.
People were talking. God is still a dirty word but Universe and Source seem acceptable. Religion has become wishy-washy or seen as the theatrics that it is.
It seems to me that coaching is becoming the new way to direct the lives of other people so they do not have to do the work themselves and most importantly so they do not have to let Jesus in on the redemption and healing of creation. Do I sound a little, um, brash or tarnished? Sorry, sort of. Coaching seems like today’s alternative to religion is what I am trying to say.
Like how therapy has replaced the ability to have any real communication in our society. This too may be a good sign that we are becoming aware that there is no real communication in the world we’ve conceived without God. Because the Holy Spirit is the true communicator that connects us all and relates full understanding from one to another.
In my world, it is all forgiven, every thought, word, or action that is outside the Will of God.
Perhaps coaching is better than religion because it is more diversified. Unlikely to create huge followings to one and something we feel we all can partake in. So it is a wonderful step in the right direction from where I sit. It needs to be seen as a means to an end and not the end itself.
In other words, as Jesus teaches in ACIM all forms of teaching need to be seen as something that one completes so that the coach, counselor, and teacher are no longer needed and the individual stands independent and united to the true source of communication here in Time which is the Holy Spirit. When the Atonement is complete each will have direct communication with God and the Holy Spirit will extend to our creations throughout eternity.
I have been online for over twelve years sharing my testimony and growing as a student of Jesus;, I have used podcasts, blogs, online magazines, and a few social media sites. I am grateful.
Because I still believe I can help someone else have a smoother ride, I put my stuff out there but I am losing that belief. One, that there is someone else out there that cares at all, and two, that anything that I can say would have any influence. I primarily put my understandings out there because I know that if I do the Holy Spirit will allow me to grow and learn.
One of my goals is that my great-grandchildren do not have to see war. If I could help sway the collective consciousness into greater light it is possible.
For over a year I learned to traverse the waters of ACIM chat and wrote daily. I have been an influence. I see it because the numbers have gone down steadily with my insistence on using the “traditionally Christian” terms of God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit as well as recognizing Jesus as the author of ACIM, and the conversation has expanded. The next year I received several invitations to other ACIM chats, many with books, videos, self–help groups, basically, they had a message to share with the world and somehow I seemed useful to them.
Are they going to fix me? Will I become one of the digits of their marketing strategy that signifies that they have become a success? And the best yet, do they want me to share my voice?
That seems to me like cracking open the golden goose. You kind of lose the golden egg if you get my drift.
To understand what I do I have to live at the edge of my understanding, in faith and walk by the Holy Spirit’s direction, not by someone else’s guideline, funnel, or worksheet.
Today I am confused. Always transitioning is the norm for me now as become the case for all seekers of truth.
The Holy Spirit is teaching me that the Mind we all share leaves no secrets or sanctuary. My sanctuary is in God’s Being alone.
My ego is having its last fits of “bug off, I can do this on my own” as I give myself healthy boundaries physically while discovering there are no boundaries possible psychologically.
Only in the witness of the truthfulness that God IS and therefore I am can I find peace as I take my part in the Atonement and forgive the “original mistaken thought” of belief in separation from God. In that place, I also find happiness and joy that cannot be touched by anyone or anything “the world of ego corruption” can give me.
I struggle physically and emotionally daily to do the basics. Taking a shower is a reason to celebrate. Yet I do my best to testify daily of my witness that God IS.
A broken leg in January and the fact that everyone has an opinion on how fast I should recover along with me pushing myself beyond my limits doesn’t help.
Not being able to tolerate the egos of caregivers and therapists leaves me on my own which I prefer but just a tiny bit of assistance would be helpful and I have received that from many different directions; my children especially.
I continue to be taught deep spiritual truths during my day-to-day existence.
Perfectionist that I am I think I “should” be something else but thankfully that falls under the “forgiveness” of the Atonement as well.
The things I see in those nearby and closest to me make me sad and would cause me to give up hope IF I did not KNOW that the stories we play out are not representative of who we truly are. They are part of the learning I asked to receive. Only because I chose to believe I had to learn things once I had given up knowledge of all things.
Knowledge returns once we partake of the Atonement while the illusional costumes continue so that we by faith may bear witness to others who have not accepted the Atonement yet that there is no consequence of destruction due to the mayhem of our mistake.
I do not know about you but I feel as if I live my life on the “front lines” of a war that is trying to decide if God IS or God isn’t and humanity is its own god.
I think what I am doing is sufficient. One step at a time is what I can do. And I do it with gratitude to all that are a part of allowing the Son of God existence. Christ is being birthed and we are participants in that here and now.
I cannot dance to someone else’s tune. I spent four decades studying marketing, public speaking, and storytelling to be ready when I could take the stage and tell my story. What I got out of that education was a witness to just how well the ego camouflages the reality of God by pretending that we can create ourselves at will.
God is inside each of us waiting at the altar He established for us to meet Him at. And no magic tricks or manipulations of nature or physics will compensate for a simple acknowledgment that He IS. Anything the senses provide will not give substance for true validation without faith and desire, the will is what it is called in ACIM, to know God and thus know yourself as His Son.
It seems that it takes an agreement between God and the Son for either of them to exist and this is so because God gave the Son all that He IS according to what I understand in A Course In Miracles. God does not have faith in us because He has knowledge of who we are but He does “believe” in our ability to know Him and we have the ability to choose to have faith in that.
This will be only the beginning and no one else can take you there. You must do it for yourself with the assistance of the Holy Spirit.
Till next time, God bless, debi.
