My challenge is that “suicide” was what I was taught by example as a child to deal with frustration.
I have honed that down to fight or flight.
But I cannot say that I am ‘happy’ with that either.
Even though it may be what I must accept about myself. Not unlike how I have had to I accept the fact that I am a smoker, even though I have not smoked for over 35 years I must choose to say, “No” if the temptation arises.
When I feel ‘pushed into a corner’ I want to run.
I do not like confrontational events of any kind.
However, in the integration of Heaven with Earth I am finding that I MUST remain in one area to be of REAL VALUE as an example of what I understand which is that God Is ALL That Is or Ever Could Be.
I can see it in people’s eyes.
The question, “Are you going to stay around?” And they ask me in a roundabout way, as well.
I sense that they are willing to let me be who I am if I do that AND THIS IS STRANGE FOR ME!
My history in form has been an attitude of, “Shut up and let me abuse, use, and dump my stuff on you.”
Not only that but I find that my partner needs a rather “gentle but firm” guidance that says, “You are better than you are allowing yourself to express at this time toward yourself and toward others.”
I told someone, “It is like he has had eight months of doing it his way and now it is time for him to ‘step back,’ do it my way, and ENJOY THE friggen RIDE!”
ARGH! I do not like ‘telling someone what to do’ but I do not think I have a choice!
The last fella I knew did not have the emotional capability to ‘hand me the reigns.’ This one has shown that he might be able to do so. I know that I have proven to many that I do not ‘plow them over and under.’
I work alongside. I listen. And I do not need to make what I do ‘all about me.”
It truly is ALL ABOUT Letting Other’s Shine in their best light and reminding them that I KNOW Who they ARE in Reality as a part of God’s Only Begotten Son.
THIS is how I WANT to be treated, so, THIS IS HOW I NEED TO TREAT OTHERS.
Have I met a group of people who are willing to have JOY in their lives?
That is the ONLY THING that I intend to bring!
I will not be a willing participant in their stories of self-persecution and denial of God.
I can be a compassionate listener, but I cannot support a story of sorrow and hardship because that FEEDS the ego and does NOT recognize God or His Son whom we ARE.
I may never be rid of the ‘fight or flight thoughts’ that come when I feel backed into a corner in THIS LIFETIME.
But I can see it as a result of the consequences of the Original Error of belief in separation from God and know it to be just part of the COSTUME that I wear for this ‘role’ in the Universal Plan of Salvation.
In so doing, I am able to move forward by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit one Holy Instant at a time.
This does NOT mean that I cannot make a commitment as guided by the Holy Spirit.
It does mean that I recognize it and turn it over to the Holy Spirit.
It also serves well if I let those around me know that I understand this is my ‘mode of coping’ so they can give me the ‘space’ to move through it when I need to.
It is the ego=god mentality that needs guarantees and contracts.
Freedom within the Mind and Will of God does not.
This does not mean that commitments are not honored when they are seen as gifts and directives of God, either.
I have sensed a commitment between my children and me before God and have stayed in contact and, for the most part, nearby.
I sense that this is important to them, to me, and to the God and Christ that I serve.
That does not mean that I do not have healthy boundaries because each would draw me into their particular storyline to the exclusion of others and I cannot abide (tolerate) this.
It’s like, in the ego world you have to have allegiances over here and not over there according to the alpha-ego in the pack.
I do not wish to sustain the ego.
I want to sustain the Whole that is Christ as God Wills it to be and I do as well.
